birds in a barrel's mission is to release creative nonfiction into the wild.

40 Days & 40 Writes is its first project.

Anxiety or Did I Just Pee?

I tend to sleep well. That is until I don't. And it is usually when I don't sleep well that my dreams are consumed with a repeating work issue. A loop of being unable to get anything done correctly. In waking hours I say that I usually make the same mistake twice, then I get it. Imagine dreaming of making the same mistake over and over again, knowing that you're making the mistake over and over again, only to wake up 3-5 hours later, pissed at yourself for making the mistake over and over again. And sometimes wondering if you literally peed from that anxiety. Relieved (pun intended) somewhat, that it's not pee, but massive body sweats - like I'm a 5-year-old boy at a slumber party body sweats. I have had work stress dreams where I have tried over and over again to figure out which way a fax goes into the printer, scanner, fax machine combo machine - face up or face fucking down? And then spend the next hour asking various people "who the hell faxes anymore?!?". Sometimes these are followed by trying to figure out how to do the Skype meeting on the large monitor with 3 or more groups. And where is everyone looking? Is there someone behind me that I'm not seeing? Why can't I get this all in sync? Maybe that's what it is - I'm out of sync. The only thing good I can say about being unemployed right now is that I'm not having work anxiety dreams. Maybe my dreams were telling me to get a new career. I like that idea.

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