It started innocently enough. I would get home late from work and needed to find something to help me unwind and slow down my brain. I needed a way to stop obsessing over all the things I didn't get done during the day as well as all the things I did get done. I'm a work in progress figuring out how to turn off the day and simply "be present". Is that the goal? To be "zen"? Yeah, that isn't happening yet so I have found that once I've eaten dinner, done my due diligence with "chores" - read, pay bills, do some laundry, open the big bottle of wine, it's time for my nightly ritual, my nightly routine. I seem to be hooked on an online casino site. I no longer pay to play, I paid enough into it at the beginning and it took me 6 months to figure out I can keep playing without paying. However, I am a tad addicted - can you only be addicted a "tad" not "full blown"? I mean, I play the slot machines every night for at least 2 hours. Oh my freaking god.......two hours! Jesus. I need a new hobby! I either have the sports on TV, or the three hour block of MSNBC and listen to the shit storm in the background as I play "Snow Day" that offers "scatters" to the room. This means that if I or anyone else in the "room" hits 3 scatters, a certain amount of money is shared - anything from $18k to $180k. I've never been a gambler in "real life" as I don't want to lose money, but online? Hell, I'm a big spender betting upwards of $100k a spin! Woo hoooooo! And allegedly I'm playing with people from all over the world or simply Pacoima bots, but either way it reminds me a bit of the old AOL chat rooms where folks talk to one another and flirt and stir the pot. I simply hit the spin button on my iPad and watch the others fight and lose money. If I miss a night of playing, I go to bed feeling out of sorts, as if I didn't get something accomplished. And then I start obsessing over not playing and the entire cycle starts again. That's pretty damn sad. Like I said, I need a new hobby or maybe, just maybe I spend that casino spinning time writing my play, or my screenplay, or my novel. Yeah, I'd get a hell of a lot more out of writing than a snow ball fight.