birds in a barrel's mission is to release creative nonfiction into the wild.

40 Days & 40 Writes is its first project.

You Say You Want a Resolution

I would like to tie up this 40 day exercise with a concrete resolution. But, I don’t think I can. Resolutions are not often in my line. Suggestions and advice are more frequently in my repertoire.

I would like there to be some sort of resolution to my own story for my future years. I don’t want to know the ending but I would like there to be a plan I could look to. Things around here seem to be always up in the air. All options open.

Even when a decision has been made, an alternative may be suggested. It’s more than a little maddening. And we are both to blame.
Decision making is often the weak link here. Second guessing, false starts and changing plans are the norm.

I want to know where we are going to move next, because we can’t stay here. It’s too expensive and whatever money we have is, for the most part, all we are going to have. I want it to be the perfect place, of course. Attractive, warm, but not hot, safe, interesting people around, at least a somewhat compatible political outlook, bountiful food choices and a great place to walk. And because we are getting ever older, good medical facilities should be available if the need arises.

I want to know that my sons have partners to accompany them through life. I don’t mean settled, exactly. At least not in that 1950’s way with a wife, a mortgage and kids and a dog. But I wish them to have someone they love that they can turn to for comfort and fun and support. I want them to have someone to come home to and listen and plan with.

I would like to resolve the life long question of what I want to be when I grow up. I am way, way past the age that it would make sense to think about it. But the issue has never been resolved. I don’t have much hope of an answer there, so I think I need to let that one go. Or, hurry up.

Thoughts of our future keep me awake in the middle of the night. I believe I might be comforted by a blueprint, a resolution to the conundrums of our life. And then we might have a way to move forward. With resolve.

Poker Face