birds in a barrel's mission is to release creative nonfiction into the wild.

40 Days & 40 Writes is its first project.

A Hundred Cuts

When I think about the events of my life, I am overwhelmed by the list of regrets I can generate, the list of things that I wish I'd done differently. My list of the woulda, coulda, shoulda's is long, from specific instances involving major life decisions--like marriage, career path, raising children, and owning pets--to the aggravations I have inadvertantly visited upon others--careless words, repeated gossip, ignoring family and friends in need.

Would I choose to change any of these decisions or instances, to grab the chance at a do-over?
If I knew then what I know now, perhaps I would choose a different path, another behavior, an alternate decision. But given the fact of where I was emotionally, physically, and mentally at the time of the decision, I probably would not make a different choice.

And that's maybe the key to letting go of the remorse I feel for the hundred cuts I've inflicted on myself and other sentient beings: the realization that I did the best I could at the time and when that didn't work I did the next best thing. So, no. No do-overs for me.

We Said "I Do," and We'd Do It Again.

I Do-over