birds in a barrel's mission is to release creative nonfiction into the wild.

40 Days & 40 Writes is its first project.


I have a cast of characters in my psyche. The Animus, being the most vocal--shows up like a bad penny at every turn and development. Always having something to say. And, if He can do it, he gets the Greek chorus of negative complexes to support his cause de jour.

Donald Kalsched has written extensively on the the creation of self care systems in the psyche as a function of trauma. These systems, once protective, turn persecutory as one matures and outgrows them. This is true in my case.

With recent medical issues, the Animus and Friends are having a field day in my dreams. Somehow, they feel it is perfectly within their right to blame me for the problem! Plays right into my perfectionism recovery: It must be my fault. I did something wrong...

I reevaluated exercise. Which is good. I hate walking five days a week. Feels like Groundhog Day. I can only listen to so many Super Soul podcasts as I walk the same trail day after day after day. I need balance. I am changing gyms in July for one that has an aquatics center, where I can plan to get into the pool for laps without being crowded out. I am a swimmer. And maybe I can pick up a yoga class again, when the schedule works for me and at my level. I am tired of making do and making things work when they don't. Period.

I kept a food diary. I thought I was doing this for the doctor (who did not ask for this). What I really was doing was to have a piece of paper to wave at the denizens in my unconscious: "See?! Look at this diet!! Whole foods. Organic. No processed crap or refined sugar! Healthy! Lean proteins, healthy fat, fiber, and greens. Almond milk and coconut sugar in my coffee. Fab 4 Smoothies!"

It's taken a week of dream torture to figure this one out. No more! Ha Ha! There Animus! There Complexes! No more picking at me because my fate is my DNA, not my sloth. Go back under that rock you live under and contemplate that! While you're down there, please take care of our gopher problem. Understand? Capiche?

First Two Weeks

Duck and Cover