birds in a barrel's mission is to release creative nonfiction into the wild.

40 Days & 40 Writes is its first project.

With Apologies to Russ and Robin Who Have To Read This

I am being ushered into old age.
At 64, receiving Medicare mail.
I thought it was a joke at 55 or something to receive AARP solicitations. Now, this shit is getting real.

Going to the doctor, and the one I have known for years, and the one who has been kindly caring for me becomes a moment of high anxiety. How did I get here?

"I have lived many lives, some of them my own", Kunitz wrote.

This post may turn into a boring cathartic rant, so dear reader, you are not obliged to go any further.

In a moment of what must have been sheer and utter frustration, I remember saying to my parents: "I didn't ask to be born!!"
What a rare occurrence that I was not punished for that. Feelings definitely were not allowed out in the open.

Now, that gerontology beckons, I am at a loss to talk to my doctor about family medical history, because, no one told me anything. F***ing stoics. As usual, and has always been, I have to piece things together. But that is not very helpful or useful when lab numbers are staring you in the face.

This, has me revisiting my Orphan self. And the Orphan archetype.
I was born into this life alone, and alone I must negotiate every life stage.

All this has me back to square one. What I have I learned? What is my philosophy? What do I believe? Reincarnation? Karma? Shit.

If I am to be consistently Jungian, all I can hazard is that my soul was called into this time to live and die. I hope future Magpie posts lighten up. However, I am writing about what there is to write about. As Natalie Goldberg taught.


The Uninitiated