birds in a barrel's mission is to release creative nonfiction into the wild.

40 Days & 40 Writes is its first project.

Gentleness

I keep forgetting appointments. Either I make them and miss them or don't make them and get hounded by the doctor's office, concerned, wondering why I won't schedule this test or that test. I'm terrified, I guess.

I'm supposed to take a trip to see family on the East Coast. And then family on the West Coast. And I still haven't gone on my honeymoon yet.

And the semester is beginning anew, and I only have 12 pages of my novel written. And I haven't yet created the dummy for my picture book. And the garden needs weeding.

I spend so much time considering all I have yet to do. I find myself writing and rewriting my to-do lists, grocery lists, expenses lists. Lists make me feel productive when life feels overwhelming.

And I get frustrated with that feeling. Why didn't I spend less time napping? I didn't need to watch two episodes of that show last night. Why didn't I take a break and go to the park?

I resolve a gentleness with myself. I will mess up, but I'm trying my best. There's this book of Toltec wisdom we had in the house growing up, The Four Agreements. "Always do your best." It says that our best changes each day, depending on how we feel physically, emotionally, spiritually.

Well, my best has been pretty low lately. Despite that, I've been knocking things off of my lists. Slowly. And that's okay.

Love is All You Need