birds in a barrel's mission is to release creative nonfiction into the wild.

40 Days & 40 Writes is its first project.

Stumped by "Promise"

I remember when I was younger I would makes promises. Now, and for some time, I can't recall using that word or even concept. Saying, or believing in, a promise is an act of a pure heart. I believe I'm too cynical, or know that life throws wrenches, to be able to make promises anymore.

Writing that down makes me feel sad. But, honestly, even saying, "I promise I'll come," to a friend or family member is hard to conceive. I mean, what if I'm sick? What if I have something else that I need to do...or want to do? What if I've died? My mind goes quickly through all those scenarios when I hear about promises. Instead, I'm quick to say, "I plan to come," or "I hope to be there.." just a slight change of phrase. But, I've been revising that word "promise" for years now.

So, what it seems to get down to is that I've must have made a promise to myself a while back. A promise to try to be honest in what I tell others. So there! (This rather existential ramble is not getting me too far.) The next question follows: Have I been honest to myself about speaking the truth to others?

Yes and no. I try to tell or offer the truth when I talk to my friends and family. But does silence count? Often, by not saying anything I'm holding back my truth by not wanting to hurt others. Later, I may roll my eyes and confide in another what I was really thinking, but being honest—or keeping the promise to be be honest—is not always possible.

I try though. I've not caught a complete flow this morning. Bound to happen, especially when I feel stumped by the prompt. Hard to keep or break a promise when I find it hard to support the concept.

Self Diagnosis: Old

The Cosmic No