As I sat down to begin writing this, this quote fell out of my computer from the Dalai Lama.
“ the planet does not need more successful people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of all kinds.”
I know for myself that I have a streak of obsessive compulsive disorder or perfectionism where I want everything to be lined up, just right, in order and stay that way. I want success. I want to pretend that the world does not tend towards disarray. In my return to nursing school at age 30, I learned the theory of Entropy in Biology where chaos is the natural order of the world.
It was mind blowing to me and it took me several years before I applied it to myself and stopped multi tasking while cleaning the kitchen floor or putting away toys while the kids were sleeping. I tended those tasks with an immediacy that obliterated any space to be present. As I worked, I mulled over feelings about the task or the dramas in my life and I tricked myself into believing that I did it for my children or husband. It was my need to pretend that the world was marching in a linear direction.
Over time when I heard someone say “ where is the line between perfection and imperfection?” , I wondered if the line was a mistake or an error in the picture. In my linear world, the imperfection was easy to see unlike an optical illusion book that one has to peruse over time to uncover the dog or the number 8 in the picture.
Being present and accepting what is right there in the moment is the only place I have been able to find any value in the peace making and story telling and connecting with myself. What I would call success today. Being who I am shows me the chaos and disarray as part of the picture. They were there all the time and I just couldn’t see them.